Thoughts on Love: Dependency

If you followed my tweets, I had a nightmare of an experience while out with my sister on Saturday. More on that later.

This incident had me thinking about,

independence and dependency in relationships

Let's talk about Independence first,

Before I got into a relationship, I feared dependence. I valued my independence highly and the idea of relying on someone to make choices for you and take care of your needs, I thought those people were weak.

 (I was highly idealistic back then, also highly opinionated)

So when I started out with Mr. Wonderful, I jealously guarded my independence as if it was my secret stash of guilty pleasure hidden in my room. 

(Umm.. Chocolates by the way, in case your mind wandered elsewhere)

To quote last week's thoughts on love, here's an example of how our conversation went.

Mr. Wonderful: Baby what's wrong?

Me looking troubled : Nothing.

(The best conversation to quote as an example for any topic on relationships. Can be interpreted in many ways.)

Obviously, also, a trust issue there but that's for another time.

Obviously, our relationship would eventually lead to nowhere and I started depending on Mr. Wonderful.
Oh and it was so so easy to just let go I tell you. I started depending on Mr. Wonderful too much.

(image source: unknown)

The feeling of Dependency is a serious temptation. 
To never have to worry about anything, to have always someone who will look out for you.


For an independent person, I began to hate what I as turning into but the feeling of being taken care of was too nice to stop this dependency. 


(As you can tell I'm a person of extreme nature, I can be a serious workaholic but when I stop, I turn into a professional procrastinator)


Also it wasn't fair for Mr. Wonderful, the way I was acting, that and the self-loathing pushed me to stop being dependent.

This all leads to last Saturday's incident. I was with my sister that day.

We went to attend Singapore's World Blood Donor Day Celebration at Singapore Science Centre.

We were having a great time, till I became a victim of a pickpocket. Thank goodness a staff found my poor abandoned wallet (coin purse really) fairly intact. (All cash gone)

But during that half an hour of uncertainty was a nightmare.

I was at the other end of the island with no idea how I was gonna get back home,

I was on the verge of tears 

 with a sister who depended on me not to panic and who was also pretty much oblivious to seriousness of the situation.

I had one thought in my head.

"I have to call Mr. Wonderful"

But before I did I filed a lost item report at the customer service counter, backtracked to the places I went but the probability of finding it was so slim with such a crowd and I knew it.

And when only then I thought that I've done everything I could to rectify the situation, I sat down and called him.

I admit, I was slightly on the hysterical side. (I blamed him for the situation, how I came to that conclusion, I don't know)
But he talked to me, asked me questions about the situation, calmed me. I would have preferred if he was by my side but listening to him on the phone soothed my frazzled nerves.

At the same he thought of calling people we knew who lived in the West side who could help me out if my purse was not found. I did not think of that.

This whole episode made me realise I found the balance between Independence and Dependency.

Altho I'm still on the dependency side but I've learnt to take control where I could and depend on him for things I did not thought of or cannot do.

When couples fight.

Although friends assume Mr. Wonderful and I are the sweetest (not to mention the weirdest) couple and that we're also the couple that looks blissfully happy together that nothing ever goes wrong, that we're the one and we're the perfect couple.... (okay I exaggerate at this point but you get what I mean).

 I must admit, its not all perfect in our little couple-dom.

But, the reason why we're still perfectly happy together is because we talk out our issues.

Initially when we got together, I assumed he can read my mind and know what I think. Trust me ladies, your men cannot read minds, if they can't even get the not-so-subtle hint of you blogging about you dream designer shoes, what makes you think they can read minds?

So, I assumed that he would know immediately what I didn't like or when I was unhappy. (He's much better at it now as compared to then) And often times, I walk off in a huff.

I also have the habit of sometimes keeping things to myself when I'm upset,

Mr. Wonderful: Baby what's wrong?

Me: Nothing.

Well anyway just recently we had quite a fight while out one day, I was kind of heartbroken at the things he said and it made me cry. He looked pretty panicked at that point. Then I explained to him that what he said was kind of shocking, that I couldn't believe he said that and why I thought what he said was wrong

(okay I know you're probably screaming in frustration and asking what the heck were we fighting about but its a rather private thing and I hope you understande)

Anyway Mr. Wonderful did realize he was wrong (aren't they always). Whenever we fight, he always feel guilty and when he feels guilty he gives me present. 

He doesn't have to but as sweet the gesture is, I'd rather he understand what's wrong and not do it again. (Umm, if you're reading this Mr. Wonderful, I don't mean it! You can still give me presents if you feel guilty for upsetting me!)

That fight made me think of how far Mr. Wonderful and I have come. 

Being a blissful couple doesn't mean we avoid issues. There may be tears, there may be frustration, there may be heart break but as long as both parties are willing to come to the middle, talk it out, even agree to to disagree, you'll come out stronger and closer as a couple.

Mr. Wonderful, I love you.

What do you do when you're young, broke and in love?

Being broke sucks.

But being a very creative person who has been penniless before, I know how to have fun.

: D

Mr. Wonderful and I spent the afternoon away at Vivocity's Sky Park splashing about and taking photos.

 (eek! Tree stump legs!)

 I like to call this the posterboy photograph. Just imagine the Air Force motto stamp above his head saying,

"ABOVE ALL"

 I love this shot!

 Cliche shot.

This is super funny! His feet looks like decomposing feet in the water!

 Dead? Bee floating in the water

This ish nice!

Most of the photos are taken by Mr. Wonderful except those of his photos.

I just didn't like how grainy most of them turned out.

The funny things he says

Yesterday Mr. Wonderful managed to get an off day from his duty and decided to hang out with me at school.

We had breakfast and with an hour to spare, I decided he should check out Moberly and play Wii.

When he graduated, they installed Wii and he never knew about it till I told him about how my clique would rent it every friday, last semester.

We played Rayman's Raving Rabid 2.

And here's what he said.

Mr. Wonderful: When we get married the first thing we need to get is, Wii, a sofa and a TV....

Oh and a bed.

He ammended that list when his Wii remote ran out of battery.

Mr. Wonderful: When we get married we need to get a Wii, sofa, TV, a bed...

and rechargeable batteries.

Now frankly, I think we could do without a sofa. We can just install the Wii and the TV in the bedroom. Saves time. But if he wants a sofa, I'm fine with it.

Cos I can make him sleep on it if he starts ignoring me for the Wii.

14/52

Has it already been 14 weeks??

Wow. I'm surprised that I've been doing nicely for my Project 52.

The weather's been unpredictable lately. The forcast promised cloudy but the grey skies broke open and there was a downpour, leaving me stuck at Borders.

Not that I mind much. It seems as if the weather's been reflecting my unpredictable mood lately.

Oh well. In other news, Mr. Wonderful on heavy medication freaks me out! He's so stoned on them, it was as if he had this personality trnasplant.

He told me he wanted to make Batman's utility belt for himself.

The funny things he says

I have issues. With lots of baggages.

Enough to make any man run in the opposite direction.

I have issues with tupperware, flower-flavoured food, food with faces(except fish), sleep and oh, a thousand other things.

And my biggest baggage is of course my family.

Its rather heavy and burdensome and I can't exactly get rid of it.

Now Mr. Wonderful must be crazy to love me.

But I'm not going to look in too deep into that, if I discuss it with him, he might get a bout sanity and try to run away to the end of the galaxy.

Mr. Wonderful's awesome cos he's who I dump all my issues and baggage on. And he certainly has a way of turning things around.

 Just read the following serious conversation I had with him.

Mr. Wonderful: Just think of it baby, when you're married to me things will be better. 

Me: I hope so. 

Mr. Wonderful: It will be

Me: I do want to marry you, but it feels like the future is still so far away and I can't seem to see what will life is going to be like when I'm with you? What do you see?

Mr. Wonderful: Naked XD

I think I'll make our conversation snippets be a regular thing on the blog. Although it seems as if Mr. Wonderful's remarks tend to be sexual in nature.

I'll start recording down our conversation from now on. No pressure baby to come up with witty remarks.

The funny things he says

Mr. Wonderful went for an outfield this week.

I over reacted and panicked that something might happen to him.

Well he came back from that outfield safe but the damage was done on my part.

Mr. Wonderful: Umm baby, I gotta go, its lights out.

Me: Alright. Muacks! Oh by the way, we can't make out anymore.

Mr. Wonderful: What??!! Why??!!

Me: I said I'd pray for you and I told God I'm gonna give that up if He kept you safe and he did.

Mr. Wonderful: No wait! Darn it! We'll talk tomorrow.

(Silent laughter on my part)

Me: Why?

Mr. Wonderful: I won't allow that, we'll talk tomorrow.

Me: How? (laughing out loud)

Mr. Wonderful: I'll talk to God.

Me: What?? (LOL)

Mr. Wonderful: I really got to go. Bye baby, good night!

By the way, I really asked that of God. I wonder how Mr. Wonderful will do to undo that??

Anyway here's another conversation we had through SMS.

Me: Gah! Do event planners really need to learn how to fix electrical wirings for lights?? Can't I just hire you since you're in EEE*
Mr. Wonderful: Sure? Just call me and I'll be you're electrician.
Me: And What will you bring??
Mr. Wonderful: Me and my tool belt. Nothing else. XD

Yes, he's a pervert.

I am unexpectedly left alone in the office

With a laptop and an internet connection. So I'm going to catch up with my blogging! :D

Saturday! Was awesome! Why? I've had a very full week last week working for two events. Both conferences and both equally a pain.

1st was the BioPharm Convention Asia 2010 and the other was the International Conference on Early Childhood Care Education.

BioPharm was a pain cos we had to stand the whole day in business attire. BUT pay was good, food was good.

ICECE was a pain cos pay sucks, food sucks but work was easy. :D AV for a conference session. Only thing was, I had to listen to the same conference 3 times!! Something bout tapping into govt. resources for manpower needs. I was so ready to scream at them to halt and promise them I'll become a childcare teacher if they stop.

Lucky I didn't.

So Mr. Wonderful picked me up and we had a great time cos it is what I desperately needed. Relaxation. Jeez, I don't think I've ever been this stressed out during school term.



That's him all disgusting like on Friday. >.< He just booked out and was tanned from playing ultimate frisbee. Show off! You'll be pasty white soon enough! Mark. My. Words. The world is Unfair like that. Women (me) who tans easily and men (Mr. Wonderful) who are as fair as the day they were born.

Both of us were desperate for some bloody steak o Saturday and decided on Aston's. We just didn't expect the crowd. O.o

So at this point of time, I began chewing on his arm. I was craving for meat ok! and his arms are quite meaty :D

We decided to explore a bit and we saw,



Steaks! Yum!

We both ordered Ribeye, rare and it comes with two side dish he had roasted potato and garden salad, i took sweet corn and roasted potato. I also ordered a mocktail. Can't remember the name but I remember the awesome stuff they put in it. Sprite/7Up, Lime Juice and Blue Curacao. Pretty much like a Shirley Temple if you use Grenadine instead of the Blue Curacao.







Next few shots of me taken by Mr. Wonderful. I have no idea why my face is scrunched up!







And then it was my turn to take photos!




He was emphasing something here but I can't seem to remember what he was talking about. I was more interested in taking photos. Hehe. Call it revenge for all the time he forgot certain important things.


Like the awesome wine rack they have.


And our bill. And what do you know, the mocktail's called Sapphire Dream! Oh our bill went up when he saw someone ordered ice-cream float O.o; I guess being in NS makes you appreciate the childlike things you miss out. Like waffles. Or maybe it's just cos he's like that. Heh. I'm just glad he doesn't crave for beer or smokes.

And then our food arrived almost matchy-matchy!



His with braised mushroom sauce.


Mine with blackpepper sauce! We exchanged sauce when I found mine too spicy, not that it isn't good. When you ask for blackpepper sauce, it's really blackpepper sauce, with the blackpepper really infused in the sauce.

After that I tucked away my camera and devoured my steak!!

Its $13.90 for the steak. Portions are smaller than Aston's but you know what??

The taste, oh the taste is so so much better!

But like Aston's you don't go to Indulge Cafe for a romantic atmosphere. It noisy and bustling! Perfect for dinner outing with group of loud boisterous friends!

So that's it! My much needed stress relief. I was stress-free for a full 12 hours till something cropped up. Lol. I'll never find peace.

Raw, Bruised and Battered

I'm still not sure how much I should reveal and how much should I hold back in this post without being to vague.



Love is a very very confusing emotion.

And Touch is a very comforting thing when you're feeling vulnerable.

I never knew the extent of my vulnerability and how badly affected I truly was till earlier today on the bus home.

It was my breaking point and the flood gates were released.

I guess the lack of sleep, the morning argument and the horible feeling of restriction were the substances and what happened on the bus home was the catalyst for the paroxysm of tears.

Just resting my head on Mr. Wonderful's shoulders after not spending so little time with him for two weeks was bliss.

And I started crying on his shoulder. He of course asked why but I couldn't at that moment give him an explaination

It was only much later, when I wrote in our blog, I sorted out my thoughts and feelings and found out why.

And I started crying all over again.

Mr. Wonderful read our blog when he reached home, called me and told me,

"I love you so much"

And that of course started a fresh wave of tears.

I was so so exhausted by then but it took quite awhile for me to fall asleep.
When I woke up, I went to play the playlist of songs that reminds me of him. I could have saved myself the torture by not doing so but I did and of course cried again.

I seem to like to torture myself.

The next time I see Mr. Wonderful, I'll be asking him of one thing. I can't reveal it yet cos I don't want him to find out also.

P.S. If you do try and look for our blog, good luck. Its not under the account I use for this blog and its privatised. There are just somethings I like to keep to myself and not for the world to read.

I ain't telling

Camwhored in front of webcam late late last night. I look so dorku :P Is it the glasses or the fringe? Maybe I should cut my hair again but its too soon and I promised myself that I wont do anything drastic, in terms of hair length.

I just had an awesome time with Mr. Wonderful! Hee! Too bad we didn't have dinner. I miss eating good food that someone else cooks, and someone else pays. Hehe. *HINT*

I'm not too sure when I'll see Mr. Wonderful next cos of parents D: but I've heard some very very good news! Can't wait for April!

Oh let time pass soon! Or maybe not, I'm getting old.

And ohmygosh! I have not studied enough today! >.<

One Year and Six Months

29th January officially marked One Year and Six Months Anniversary,Mr Wonderful and I.

As he books out from camp that day we decided to celebrate on the 30th. Which we also found out that day was Thaipusam.

One of our very first date was dinner at Fish and Co. Paragon. If I remember correctly it was our first date before we got together two weeks later.

He suggested we go to the one at the Glass House next to Park Mall for lunch.



Oh and I wore heels to mark the occasion. I still can see the marks on my poor feet still.

A really hungry me. Looking really wilted. Walking in heels is no joke. Especially in the hot weather.


So basically we had appetisers. Really good Appetisers.



The Mussels in Garlic Butter Lemon sauce! Ohh it was so good! Especially if you dip the bread that comes with it in the sauce!



And Fried Calamaris! Okay this is a must have but I'd have to say sadly that the Mussels took all my attention. IT WAS JUST SO GOOD! You can tell by now I'm obviously a big seafood fan.


As for our main, we shared. Its Chilli Crab! I didn't know Fish and Co even has this on the menu!



Look at how big it is! Be prepared to make a mess tho and don't wear white! Lucky I brought a cardigan with me.


Basically its served with the shell all broken apart and pieced back together for presentation's sake and the pincer is partially cracked.
It comes with bread to wipe the sambal clean off the pan!

Be prepared to use your fingers, the shell cracker is given to you but watch out for shrapnels whan cracking these huge pincers!

And now for a Fish and Co. traddition. Gulping down big chunks of ice!

This time, its the Seamonkey Freeze!


We did this too during the first date we had. Lol.

After our lunch we decided to walk off all that ice and and seafood.
And ended up watching a bit of the procession.



I love events like this! It just show the cultural and community spirit. Way much better than the current 'modern' events I learn about. Its awesome to see that its not only Hindus there but others to watch, support and cheer on the Devotees.

And those Kavadi's are really beautiful! Each time the Devotee dance it bounces along in rythm with the peocock feathers waving in the air.

No idea what I'm talking about, watch.


I love how they sing, drum and encourage the devotee along that long procession!

Anyway, we walked to Orchard Central. (Gah! My feet were killing me!)


Gosh I hate my big teeth. Inherited from my mum's side of the family.

And there's this flea market thing going on. I think its till next weekend if I'm not wrong. We bought some old post cards from this guy that has his booth on the fourth floor. He has these amazing movie post cards that you won't get anywhere else! Unless you're a collector, you won't mind forking out $20 for the postcard of Yoda for The Clone Wars. (I Wanted it D:)

Oh and if you know Le Flirtini, they sell really good accessories and Mr. Wonderful bought me a feather headband from there.

Me wearing my new hairband. You can't see much of it tho.


After that we met up with his parents at City Hall to have dinner and for Mr. Wonderful to do abit of shopping.

Oh and I believe Mr. Wonderful is aptly named because he massaged my feet when I really couldn't take the pain despite them being dirty and probably smelly as well.

He does the sweetest things.

The Day after when we went for mass. my hair pretty much resembles the feathers on my new hairband.

Funny Video

Feeling extremely guilty as well.

Last sunday I was down with sudden bout of depression that started on saturday(its not really depression luh, I just hit rock bottom that day - you get that sometimes) Mr. Wonderful decided to try to be my side that day and thus skipping Legionmeeting (essentially its a church youth group we're in not the scary twisted movie of God's revenge on Mankind).

And missed the surprise Legion planned for him. A very BELATED (10 days) birthday surprise.

I heard they ended up singing over the phone for him as he was at his mum's office at that point of time.

So they posted a video up on facebook. I can't embed it but if you do bother in looking it up its here: THE VIDEO

I think its really funny that they went ahead without the birthday boy.

A Whole New Level

Well yesterday I managed to go out with Mr. Wonderful despite my reluctance and obvious disposition (usually to curl up and be miserable and pathetic).

I heard Legion bought him a cake. He feels guilty for not going for meeting.

I feel guilty for not going AND making him decide not to go(note his free will, no brow beating involved) cos he's worried and blah blah blah over me.

I'll just skip all the things we did yesterday and get to the root of it.

I think, I feel that Mr. Wonderful isn't just a guy I go out with, kiss, hug, talk and laugh with.

He has grown to be much more than a friend, a boyfriend, a lover. He's more of a soulmate now.

We've talked of getting married, having kids and growing old together and it never really hit me till today.

It scared me, scares me still. I'm always someone who've alway held back a little part of me because I'm afraid of losing, of hurting. I never realised that till today, I've totally lost myself.

And when I realised that. I cried.

And it was then that I was faced with a choice. 'Fess up or withdraw to myself and give myself this tiny shred to keep to myself.



I took a breath, smiled at him and told him.

And all that time he hugged me and told me everything will be great and to be not afraid.

He's said a lot of times but when he said "I love you" to me at that moment. It was special

Mr. Wonderful's 21st

Mood: Melancholic

Sundays are worst. Mr Wonderful's back in camp and I'm dealing with my withdrawal symptoms from the intensity of being in his company.

Anyway, here's what happened yesterday. I met up with Ming Hui earlier then the appointed time to get a cake.

On the reccomendation of my classmate Yana, we went to The Icing Room at 313 Somerset.

Where we bought a cake and decorated it! Sorry there's no picture as I had no camera and the birthday boy ahem sorry, birthday man had it.


Anyway here's the end result! Not bad huh? At least way better then the others I've seen, these two ladies beside us just completely destroyed theirs by drawing spiderman and a bus and other nonsense on their cake.

My verdict for that place? Not worth it cos you only get 5 piping bags and a small packet of icing, any more you'd have to extra. Its a fun novelty tho to try once and hence after, LEAVE the Decorating To The Professionals.

or you'll end up with this,


From: cakewrecks.blogspot.com

Lol!

Anyway I digress. So who was there?


Kevin's Best Friends Rachel and Ming Hui! Gosh I thought getting these 3 to meet up again would never happen.


And of course Mr. Wonderful and I. :D

We of course went Marche, cos the food's always great there. I didn't want to go to some new reataurant and may end up with a bad experience. which leads to to Tip #1 of eating out for a celebration, Go for the familiar cos you'll have a great time as always. If you try something new, you'll never know what you'll get.


Me and Ming Hui had the Rosti with smoked Salmon. No matter how I tell myself to try something new, I'll always end up with the same thing.


And Mr. Wonderful and Rachel had the crepe. No idea what they ordered for the insides but it was great.


And we shared the calamari. :D

Basically I was quite relieved that everything worked out well and it was as if the 4 of us are hanging out as per the norm back then.
So great, conversation and lots of laughs!

Tip #2: No idea on who to invite?? Keep it intimate and small.


PS: Never ever give him a real knife.


I have a monkey-faced boyfriend. Sigh.. and my eye looks weird. huh.


Rachel was playing with the icing she didn't ate and Ming Hui didn't like it at all. Lol. So cute I want to puke.

Pretty long post, so to end it off, here's last two photos.


Yours truly,


and the boy who's a man but acts like a toddler.