Thursday, June 16, 2011

Thoughts on Love: Dependency

If you followed my tweets, I had a nightmare of an experience while out with my sister on Saturday. More on that later.

This incident had me thinking about,
independence and dependency in relationships

Let's talk about Independence first,

Before I got into a relationship, I feared dependence. I valued my independence highly and the idea of relying on someone to make choices for you and take care of your needs, I thought those people were weak.
 (I was highly idealistic back then, also highly opinionated)

So when I started out with Mr. Wonderful, I jealously guarded my independence as if it was my secret stash of guilty pleasure hidden in my room. 
(Umm.. Chocolates by the way, in case your mind wandered elsewhere)

To quote last week's thoughts on love, here's an example of how our conversation went.

Mr. Wonderful: Baby what's wrong?
Me looking troubled : Nothing.

(The best conversation to quote as an example for any topic on relationships. Can be interpreted in many ways.)

Obviously, also, a trust issue there but that's for another time.

Obviously, our relationship would eventually lead to nowhere and I started depending on Mr. Wonderful.
Oh and it was so so easy to just let go I tell you. I started depending on Mr. Wonderful too much.

(image source: unknown)

The feeling of Dependency is a serious temptation. 
To never have to worry about anything, to have always someone who will look out for you.

For an independent person, I began to hate what I as turning into but the feeling of being taken care of was too nice to stop this dependency. 

(As you can tell I'm a person of extreme nature, I can be a serious workaholic but when I stop, I turn into a professional procrastinator)

Also it wasn't fair for Mr. Wonderful, the way I was acting, that and the self-loathing pushed me to stop being dependent.

This all leads to last Saturday's incident. I was with my sister that day.

We went to attend Singapore's World Blood Donor Day Celebration at Singapore Science Centre.

We were having a great time, till I became a victim of a pickpocket. Thank goodness a staff found my poor abandoned wallet (coin purse really) fairly intact. (All cash gone)

But during that half an hour of uncertainty was a nightmare.

I was at the other end of the island with no idea how I was gonna get back home,
I was on the verge of tears 
 with a sister who depended on me not to panic and who was also pretty much oblivious to seriousness of the situation.

I had one thought in my head.

"I have to call Mr. Wonderful"

But before I did I filed a lost item report at the customer service counter, backtracked to the places I went but the probability of finding it was so slim with such a crowd and I knew it.
And when only then I thought that I've done everything I could to rectify the situation, I sat down and called him.

I admit, I was slightly on the hysterical side. (I blamed him for the situation, how I came to that conclusion, I don't know)
But he talked to me, asked me questions about the situation, calmed me. I would have preferred if he was by my side but listening to him on the phone soothed my frazzled nerves.

At the same he thought of calling people we knew who lived in the West side who could help me out if my purse was not found. I did not think of that.

This whole episode made me realise I found the balance between Independence and Dependency.

Altho I'm still on the dependency side but I've learnt to take control where I could and depend on him for things I did not thought of or cannot do.

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