Well yesterday I managed to go out with Mr. Wonderful despite my reluctance and obvious disposition (usually to curl up and be miserable and pathetic).
I heard Legion bought him a cake. He feels guilty for not going for meeting.
I feel guilty for not going AND making him decide not to go(note his free will, no brow beating involved) cos he's worried and blah blah blah over me.
I'll just skip all the things we did yesterday and get to the root of it.
I think, I feel that Mr. Wonderful isn't just a guy I go out with, kiss, hug, talk and laugh with.
He has grown to be much more than a friend, a boyfriend, a lover. He's more of a soulmate now.
We've talked of getting married, having kids and growing old together and it never really hit me till today.
It scared me, scares me still. I'm always someone who've alway held back a little part of me because I'm afraid of losing, of hurting. I never realised that till today, I've totally lost myself.
And when I realised that. I cried.
And it was then that I was faced with a choice. 'Fess up or withdraw to myself and give myself this tiny shred to keep to myself.
I took a breath, smiled at him and told him.
And all that time he hugged me and told me everything will be great and to be not afraid.
He's said a lot of times but when he said "I love you" to me at that moment. It was special